My cheeks were on fire then. What I wouldn’t have given for
the confidence to ask him to do that very thing right then. I’d been attracted
to him since time immemorial, but the more we talked about this, the more I
learned how much he loved pleasing a woman, the more I wanted him. I sighed.
He smiled. “That’s what I thought.” He folded his hands on
the counter and leaned forward. “You just have to get up the confidence to make
it clear what you want. Does it embarrass you to have a man eat your pussy?”
I chewed my lip. He said it so matter-of-factly, so
unabashedly. It shouldn’t have surprised me coming from him, but it wasn’t
comfortable to discuss with anyone. I took a breath. “I don’t think any man has
gone down on me long enough to embarrass me.”
He rolled his eyes. “Neanderthals.” He looked at me again. “Really, though, if it
doesn’t embarrass you to have him do something to you, why be embarrassed about
asking him to do it?”
I wetted
my lips and avoided his eyes. He was
absolutely right, but I
didn’t know if that revelation would magically grant me the confidence to be
able to ask for it.
“Honestly, Marisa,” he said. “Assuming you’re with a man who’s
worth fucking, there probably isn’t much you can ask him to do that would
surprise him or make him uncomfortable.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “If he’s worth fucking, then he wants to please
you, and trust me, there is nothing more frustrating for a man than trying to
please a woman and not getting any feedback one way or the other.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
He smiled. “Really, all you have to do is ask. If he won’t
do it, then boot his ass out of bed and find someone who will.”
Like you? I sipped
my coffee, rolling it around in my mouth as I rolled his words around in my
head.
“I’ve been with a few women who had a hard time with this,”
he said.
You don’t say.
“Really?”
He nodded. “One girl, she just couldn’t bring herself to
ask for anything, and I wasn’t getting anywhere with her. We were both getting
frustrated as hell.” He shook his head, pursing his lips. “Finally, I told her,
‘I want to please you, but you’ve got to give me some feedback so I know if I’m
doing the right thing.’” He shrugged. “So she told me. It took a while, but she
started talking more.”
“And it got better?”
“Oh yeah,” he said. “After that, it was incredible.”
“Lucky woman,” I said with a laugh.
He shook his head. “Not lucky. Communicative. She told me
what she wanted, and I gave it to her.” He paused for a second. "I do that
with every woman. I’m not a mind reader, so she has to tell me what she wants.”
“Does it
really vary that much? From woman to woman?”
“Absolutely.
And from night to night with the same woman. Sometimes she wants a man to make
love to her. Sometimes she wants to be thrown around and fucked within an inch
of her life. I just let her tell me—implicitly or explicitly—what she wants.
And I give it to her.”
Darren, you’re killing me. “Sounds like some of
the men I’ve dated could use a few lessons from you.”
He
chuckled. “No, they need lessons from you.”
“Fair
enough.”
“It’s
just a confidence thing,” he said. “You’ll get it. You have to learn to be a
bit shameless. Don't be embarrassed of your own desires. Sex means getting
vulnerable with another person just as much as it means asking them to be
vulnerable with you; if you can't ask for what you want, then what's the
point?"
"True." There was a long pause. Get a little bit shameless, you say? My
heart pounded. Did I dare? Then I looked him in the eye and the words were out
before I could think twice. "So what if I said I wanted you?"